little secret about me

persona of feelings #2

2009-12-27T21:52:00.002+07:00

lately been posting about feelings.

can't get enough of it. can't let it out.

that's why I chose blog to express the emotion.

I am really piss right now.

I want to cry.

I want to swear.

I want to just punch him... or her.

All of my expression kept rafting in my body. It gave me chills.

I've been so fuckin emo. Don't really like it.

I just need to express this through somethings.

I don't get it, don't get the situation.

I'm angry

but yet

I couldn't do anything.

Is it normal?

Is it normal, when you are stuck in a position like me?

Can't understand every bit of my emotion.

it's a bit confusing to me. or maybe for you too.

I'm angry, I guess.

but it seems....

nah... I know I'll be better. I know I'll be okey. :)

persona of feelings

2009-12-25T21:10:00.002+07:00

I hate being tough

too tough that is

Sometimes I couldn't bare to here it

Sometimes it just came a glimpse in my mind

then it's fading

I'm a human

should be strong?

should let my self into the situation?

or should I just "let it be"?

please tell me.

ps : I don't know who is my real friend is. I don't know that.. friendship is like a cold fuckin war.

it's refreshing!

2009-12-23T20:23:00.007+07:00

hello. i miss updating blog and sharing with you my thoughts of todays world. What's happenin? i've been so busy with the tests and works. Design is not easy as it looks. I've been struggling with it for months. Hope I'll pass the exams, can't wait for the tests result.

one of the design that I've made

Hey you know what? I reduce my stress by having a hair cut!

Before

after

What do you think? For me personally, I love this new look, better than the long hair. Been feeling so light and free.... NEW LOOK IS ALWAYS THE KEY, MY FRIEND!

I've been missing someone lately. I've been questioning my love to him. I wish I know how am I going to do to unlock this relationship mystery.

merry christmas & happy new year peeps!

ps: hope you guys gotta best, the dopest, holiday ever :)

a long way.

2009-10-26T06:25:00.003+07:00

It has been a long time since i wrote anything, been very busy with university and stuff. My life been very different since I entered university. Loads of things needs to be think of. I kept reminding myself that I'm not a high school student anymore. Need to face everything now by my own.

Delete some of my friends in facebook cause some them are so annoooyyinngg and my friend dared me to delete 90% percent of my facebook friends! which i didn't do it :)

Being an art student is quite exhausting. The lecturer sometimes made us re-do our work. I hate it, especially when it comes to painting it all over again. uggghh! the hell with it, i s

till love what i'm doing now.

Description pictures :

1. Ykha C.U.T.S

2. Itta C.U.T.S

3. The guitarist from united by haircuts

4. Beach in Phuket

ps: i'm not feeling very well today. actually since yesterday. fuck

high school? yes so much better than this

2009-08-11T19:36:00.004+07:00

i miss high school and i miss my old friends..

i miss vacation too. i really do.

it just only a day of college orientation and i felt completely clueless and hopeless.

not feeling very well right now.

I want Bali. I want vacation. I want sometime alone

college equals to new live.

2009-08-06T11:31:00.005+07:00

yes, I'm back in Jakarta for good. I've been preparing for college and the new house that I'm going to stay in.

My roommate, Jessica, and I been around the campus and around the area. It was great and we took the shuttle bus so it'll be much easier to go everywhere.

College, in a few days I'll be a college student. Surprisingly, it's so darn fast. I felt that it was yesterday that I graduated from high school. Now, it's totally different. New things will come up such as friends, a new place to live in, a new campus, a new teacher, and so on. I couldn't be more happier and at the same time i felt terrified with this whole new things. I kept praying to God that I'll have a good and better new live.

The house I live in is actually belongs to an old lady. She's great and really kind. Though maybe a little fanatic about religion. I don't mind though. hehe. No pictures yet, but I will definitely post pictures.

This a stupid picture that me and my housemate took.

Stupid it is.

Have a great week peeps!

azt

gotta pet? don't have one?then, BE YOUR OWN PET!

2009-07-21T12:31:00.005+07:00

i'm enjoy listening to be your own pet. the lead singer, attract my attention. introducing....

JEMINA PEARL

yeah, she's a cool girl and i found her video in youtube. She's a lil' freaky though, still she rocks.

If only what you wrote in my yearbook was true--
Then I wouldn't be stuck in fucking cell block 2
But I don't regret what I've done,
Cuz in the end, it was fun!

-Becky, Be Your Own Pet-

my home country.

2009-07-19T09:42:00.002+07:00

... and so, still 6 more days left to go home. Heard about the bombing news in Jakarta. My family (who lives here) and I was shocked when we saw some disturbing images in some blogs and online post. I was, clearly, surprised and a little bit scared to go home.
Some of my friends said, "don't worry azt. it's safe to go home"
One of my friend, got a big point of view about politics and told me some of his hypothesis about what may caused the bombing. politics? yeah, it's very difficult to understand 'em.

I took it from youtube. Sorry, it's in Indonesian.

love,

azt

mods and rockers?

2009-07-02T09:15:00.006+07:00

Found a little piece of documentary from Nylon through youtube. I think this is great. and I'm falling in love with this dress from One and a Half

sorry but...

2009-06-30T14:51:00.001+07:00

berak lo. you lied to me.

really sorry for the post. I am really pissed and need to reveal it through my blog.

hello from Canada

2009-06-30T05:49:00.003+07:00

taken from here

Hello everybody! I'm in Canada now and it's summer. You may wonder what summer like in Vancouver, Canada. Well it's quite hot but it's still breezy, really nice. The weather is not like Jakarta, where is hot and.. just hot.
I miss Jakarta though, the food and everything. In here, they do have a mall but not as a big as Jakarta. Though the scenery is fantastic.

I'm here all alone without my parents. Live with my aunt,grandma, and my little cousin. 1 month in Vancouver, I felt like I already live here. Yesterday went to church with them and people in the church kept asking me this question, "Hi, you're from Indonesia?" "How's Indonesia?" "Are there any new places in Indonesia?" "Why don't you study here?"
Repeat the same answer over and over again, little bit irritated by it.

So now is 4:02 pm.owh how i miss Indonesia already. I miss nasi padang...

really hungry.

ps: tell me, how's Indonesia by the way?

astari

lost in translation.

2009-06-25T21:35:00.002+07:00

sorry for the very late updates. there are 2 reasons why I didn't post anything for the last several months :

1. because my laptop is so "lemot" (slow)
2. because my internet is sooooo darn lame.

hahaha, there... those are the reasons.
I'm going to post some of updates about myself and what i'm feeling in bullets, kindda lazy to make into a paragraph. Here it is :

I graduated from High School and having the last day of school full of tears cause I'll be missing my friends and...surprisingly, school.
I passed UAN. HELL YEAH!
I'm on my way to Canada now but transitting in Taipei. Going with my BF Jessica
Gotta go. Going to Canada.

Sorry guys no photo. Really, needs to go. bye. I'll be updating soon =)

love,

azt

no pressure but yet I got something going on

2009-04-26T07:54:00.004+07:00

Hello fellow readers! sorry for the late update and everything. I just finished the national exams that I need to follow last friday. It was quite difficult especially the math problem, i'm no good at it. Thank God I managed quite well on the test.

Moving on. Hmm if you noticed, I changed the layout of my blog. The big headers is actually my bathroom. Why do I choose this picture? cause mostly I spend my time in the bathroom. Listening to my Ipod,texting my friends, writting songs or poems, and even crying. so it is actually my santuary where I kept most of my private time there.

Another thing is the next two weeks I'm going to have my IB exams. I don't put too much pressure on it cause I don't realy need the Diploma from IB. Wasting my time I suppose.

In this past few months I noticed that I browsed some of the fashion blog, I think I there were quite a lot of this kind of blogs nowadays. Kindda gave me an inspiration.

Do you think I need to look more lady like and girly?

Imagine this girl....

Wearing something like this....

Please do comment on this. Thank you :)

Have a great day people!

love,

azt

Blessed the tainted heart

2009-03-24T10:09:00.006+07:00

I wish my Holga results pictures would turn out to be like this.

lately i've been really busy with school stuff, especially this week I got a lot stuff and projects deadline.
I am really looking forward for this four days of holidays which turn out i need to finish my IT project as well. (sigh)
hmm what else can I say? I've been listening to Pintu Terlarang Soundtrack and I think the music was really good. The artist and the bands who contributed in this sountrack are Tika, Sore, and Mantra.
I really like Tika's voice, as always men. She sounds like an oldies singer with an attitude.
Sore, it's my first time to hear this band. an... I LOVE IT!the title is Nancy Bird. very pretty song.
Matra is the new band that was made by Zeke from Zeke and The popo.
all of them, I mean all of them sounded very extraordinary! but I don't like score from the movie. it really sounded creepy. I was listening it in the middle of the night or mprning? cause it was in 2 o'clock in the morning while I was doing my homework. when the first track of the score came up, i got a little goose bumps. creepy..

Ps : something about Fachri Albar taht made me go.. gaga.

love
azt

Clocks

2009-03-11T09:53:00.002+07:00

This picture was taken during the Java Jazz Festival and I'm so in love with Mr Jason Mraz. gosh, he look so cool. I kept dancing and screaming his name. haha. I don't really care what people think about me screaming and dancing like a drunk person, yeah whatever!

It has been day 'till something happend to me. It was a horrible feelings and yeah regret came after that. I'm stil trying to cope it all and try to forget about the things, what that person said to me, what that person did to me, and so on. It's like time flies so fast and I have to move on. I can't be in a position that always depends on somebody. No ofcourse not! yet I try to make a change in myself. i haven't decide it yet, maybe physically or my character.

Maybe i'm not the prettiest girl or the smartest or the up-to-date kindda girl or maybe I'm not those girls who goes to the beauty saloon every week to get their hair fix. I'm not ok! I'm not the person who likes jazz music, I don't like clubbing. I like indie music i love going to art exibition and dancing to some weird music. fuck, i hate when somebody make a difference with other girls. I hate it, I repeat. I HATE IT!

So whatever. I'll go find somebody new and I won't try to be pretty. especially for you! yeah not for you! I hate you and your fuckin comments about me.

I'm sorry for you guys who is stil reading this part of my blog. I'm trying to give out what I feel during this past few day. It has been so shitty and I felt ashame of myself.

PS : To all girls who are reading this and have the same situation as mine, please do remember. You are what you are! You are pretty in your own way! Don't give a damn about what people or what you boyfriens said about other girls.

And to a him, whom made me feel this way and wrote this silly nonsense feelings, please...NGACA LO!(English : Look in the mirror!)

Love

azt

I smoke fags

2009-03-01T13:25:00.002+07:00

listen up. I'm a mess and unpredictable.

I don't feel like taking a bath.

I don't feel like doing exercies.

I don't feel like doing my homework.

I just want to make love with my camera.

I just wanna run away with my Ipod.

I just wanna drink weird juice.

please, i'm just a human being. stop this nonsense.

ps : I miss one of my best friend. I don't hate you, I don't wanna hurt you. please, where are you?

love,

azt

Dying of Frustration

2009-02-26T08:22:00.004+07:00

It has been a very exhausting month, cause deadlines of my works are all pile up. During this friggin frustration, I made a certain "scheadule"(sort of). So I will sleep around 8 pm or 9, then I will set my alarm at 12:30 midnight. Why 12 :30? because at these time I will do my projects and works until around 2 am. hahaha! I haven't got enough good sleep and I really, really, need to get some sleep. Even during the weekend, I woke up early. Around........7 am.

I want all this to get over soon. when???when???

Now I took some math lesson to improve my math for the final exam (red-UAN). Cause the way the IB taught me about math it's different with the UAN. Also I took Economics lessons. I don't even understand about economy. (sigh)

Also today my bhs Indonesia teacher, mad at me. She said there are a lot of wrong things in the essay. She was also made a sarcastic comments about me. Whatever.. I tried to hold my tears. It's just friigin frustrating and all the comments that she made? it just made me wanna smack her with the paper that I did. I was too tired, too stressed, to frustrated. But finally, i finished it.

It's not a perfect day.

It has been a rough month. This saturday I'm going to go to UPH to take the EPT test (it's like TOEFL).
Wish me luck!!!!!

Ps : find me a good friend will ya?Define friendship and best friend for me.. please, somebody.

love,

azt

hey jude, let's take a walk.

2009-01-22T17:05:00.003+07:00

recently i've been listening to the soundtrack of across the universe. The song that I really love is call hey jude, which actually the beatles's. But, the way the movie made it, it's just so different and i have fallen in love to it..

During the holiday, I went with one of my friend. Her name is Greta. We went for a photo hunting around jakarta. Firstly, we went to taman menteng and.. ohh btw, we went there around 7 in the morning and arrived there around 8:30. It didn't have a lot of people when we got there. We found out that high school students in Jakarta skipped school to taman menteng. ahahahah. we were making jokes about them for not being at school.

Then we move to fatahilah museum. Seriously guys, it was really creppy there. I got goose bumps especially the underground prison. it's really....dark.scarry i might say.

Well i got some pictures to show you guys.

I hope you enjoys it.

I didn't go to school today cause i need to extend my passport. It was actually expired. I'm planning to go to US this june.

Did i mentioned that i wanna run far far far away and turn off my handphone. Sleep in little motels, eatting "warung's" food, playing at the park, taking pictures and just laying on the grass until I fall asleep?Part of my dream. I hope i could do it.

Love

azt

one lazy afternoon

2009-01-02T20:08:00.003+07:00

it was so hot this afternoon. i was too lazy to got off from my bed and my bedroom, i kindda chillin at my room without bturning my ac on. besides it was so windy breezy outside. I opened the door to my the balcony then i saw this beautiful sky. I was so amazed that Bali is so friggin weird, i mean the weather. sometimes it rain so hard then the next day it's so hot. maybe it's because rainy seasons. my friends in jkt told me that the weather is also weird and everything. I took a lot of pictures from inside of my bedroom to the out door. it turns out quite astoinished. except my picture ofcourse

so sorry that i put this picture of mine. haha.

i've been craving through other people's blog and their blog is just awesomeness. they have wonderful stories and photos they put.

today is my last day in bali, tomorrow i'll be heading back to jakarta. my mom did yelled from downstairs. she asked me to pack up my things so nothing left. hmm... though i felt so friggin bored in bali, i'm kindda sad leaving bali.

ps : i realize that falling in love is really hard and hurtful. it's going to take awhile to recover form this "disease".

love

azt

morning bike

2008-12-26T08:54:00.004+07:00

i'm stil so in love with my time with morning....

i always took my bicycle.

i saw the gathering of trees

beneath those grass...

i miss jakarta so bad... especially my home.

regards,

astari

saturday

2008-12-09T08:24:00.004+07:00

Last weekend was the greatest weekend ever. I went to watch twilight movie! horeeey!!
veryveryveryveryveryvery romantic movie. aww. besides of watching it with mr sweet *hhe. happyhappy* i found the movie very interesting and how vampire live. I wanna have a vegetarian vampire so he won't bite me. hahhaha.

oo yeah, I watched the movie with reta (she's like the biggest fan of twilight), Greta and her sister Tara, Je, and last... MR SWEET. hehehehhe
eventhough he was late for hmm 15 minutes and seriously I almost cried. hahaha. drama quees, cause I hate when people late.

So I was waiting in the movie theater. Sitting, waiting. Thank God I brought my Ipod and I bought a drink cause when I'm nervous there will be a lot of butterflies in my stomach plus I wanna throw up.

I kept looking on the clock near the cashier where they sell the movie ticket. I texted Mr sweet. Then this was the message he replied

He said he's going to be late

I'm on my way

I'm sorry. please wait. I'm on my way

When I arrived there I'll run

Random message. yeah i hate it.

Suddenly at around 1 pm. I saw this boy rushing from the elevator. He wore a hoody black jacket, white tshirt, and jeans. It was Mr sweet. He tried to find me through the sofa that was allign with where I'm sitting. Then he found me! I put on an upset face to show himn that he was late. He came up to me and he stand in front of me. Then he did something that made me... aww.

he actually embrace both of my cheek and he put on a very, very, very,very sweet smile.....he said

"I'm sorry I was late yaa.. so sorry"

Seriously guys, how I can be mad if he put on a very cute smile with him doing that????

So we went through the cinema studio and watch twilight. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... it was so fun.

How's your weekend? was it as good as mine? or maybe better?

Love

azt

Morning light

2008-11-26T04:24:00.003+07:00

all the pictures above was taken on sunday after I finished my breakfast. you might think that I only drink coffee and vitamins. nooo...I ate bread and ofcourse with a glass off cofee to lighten my day.

deviantart.com/aztisaporcelaingobli

love

azt

crave this shoes..

2008-11-19T18:25:00.003+07:00

i'm obsessed with a lot of this stuff. especially with this boots...

i don't know when will I use it but i'll figure it out. getting this shoes is also not easy. cause most of the store that sell this kind of shoes are expensive. maybe i'll customized it somewhere. you know DIY stuff.

one more... one more obsession...

I got it from one of the blog. maybe HAPPY PEOPLE DON'T COMPLAIN. I forgot where did got it. but i love this jacket. it looks worn out but it's something it looks.. hmm.. fantastic!

ps : I got flu. coughing and soar throat. plus I got 3 ulser. it hurt so bad. so when you call or talk to me i'd be like mumbling cause it hurts so bad.

love

azt

d kantorr bokap bosen...

2008-11-18T15:21:00.002+07:00

gue lgi d kantor bokap ngerjaiin tgs gue yg bisnis. aaaa shit! bosenn beth. gue drtd di omongin soal finance and marketing. well emg gue gagg ngerti ama kyk gtuan. huhuhu.
tp gue msh d sini. maiin internet pke wifi d kantor bokap. hhe

ok.. so individual oral presentation gue berjalan lancar. walaupun rada ngendet" gtuu. you know wat? sariawan gue gagg kerasa ama skalii. mngkin karena gue ud nervous jdii gtu lahl. hhe. tp skarang sariawan gue nambah 2 biji gara kegigit (hhe. gue sendiri lhoo yg gigit. unpurposely) hehehehe.

hmm, gue pngn k aksara. pngn jln" liat" buku.. hehhehe. gue kngn beth lho jln bareng ama tmn" gue. well, emg c... d skolah sering ktemu.. tp suasanannya aja beda. klo gy jln breng kann kita jauh dari msalah skolah ama pr, test, gtu". pngn c qta rame" ngumpul bareng. maybe for a cup of tea or coffee. hehehehe.

news flash... I cut my hair again. knp? karenaaa.... gue ngerasa rmbt gue gerah mampus. jdi nyokap gue blng suruh ptong. pertamanya dya sruh ptong pendek extreme. kyk agyness gtu. tp gue blm branii. hehehe. kata c madun ptng aja kyk vocalistnya inspirational joni. superrrr pendddeeekkkk tpp kerennn mampyuss! hehehe. lahh gue kalo d gtuin, ud muka kyk sapi ntar tmbh kyk sapi jantan lagii. hehehe..

drtd gue bolak balik wc ni. gara" kantor/ruangan bokap dingin beth. hehehe

love

azt

harihariastariygmakinyahutuhuy!

2008-11-13T07:53:00.002+07:00

ayayayay!

hari" gue makin super dupern yahut gress...
pertama, EE gue blm kelar. which is gue mesti ngumpulin 3 minggu lagi. tuh essay msti 4oo kata. ahahahhaha

kedua, bsok gue ada presentasi yg gue. jujur aja, mesti robah karena salah! jadinya gue msti ngapus dan bkin yg bnr. hahahahahhahahaha (udah mulai gila)

ketiga, gue sariawan di lidah dan ngebuat gue ngomonk kyk cinta laura.. jgn" pas gue presentasi bsok gue bkal ngomonknya kyk gini : "jachii hakekaatt darwii puisi ini adjalahhhhhh..."

Tuhan... kenapa bsok gue ad presentasi dan ad sariawan perih di ujung pinggir lidah gue?????

internet gue masih di blok. sial, ini gara" gue donlod dari youtube. gue rasa gue di boongin tuh ama provider internetnya. gue apply yg make sepuasnya tp bayarannya sama, eh ternyata gagg. dasar tolol! gue sumpahin yg boongin gue ama bokap gue kena asem urat di matanya! (waduuhh giman y jdinya??)hahahah

okok. hmmm... gue msti enjoy dengan apa yg gue lakuin skarang dan apa yg gue alamin skarang. ahhaha. at the end, I will laugh out loud!hahhahahahaha

doaiin gue presentasi y, sumpah takuuuttt gilaaaaa!

love

azt

Some people do, some don't

2008-11-11T08:33:00.002+07:00

akhir - akhir ini gue mengamati sesuatu mengenai hidup gue yg mulai rada beda. dunia gue seakan uda gagg kyk dunia gue yg dlu.
hmm, gue ngerasa ada beberapa org yang berbeda ama gue. ada beberapa org yg treat me with disrespect, but i'm ok with it. gue gagg mw nyinggung. cmn gue tekankan, gue ini jga org. mngkin emg gue gagg sepinter dia dan gagg sejenius dia, tp at least elo treat me with respect. smua org di dunia ini mungkin gag ska ama elo, tp you know what? gue msh mw berteman ama lo krn lo menarik. gue ngeliat elo sebagai org yang pinter, jgn elo treat me kyk gue ini piece of shit.

ehhmm.. ok. gue mnta maav yaa klo gue ad slh ama elo ato gmna. gue cmn mw nekenin aja koQ. gue msh slalu nganggep elo sbagai tmn gue.
gue sdar akan satu hal, smua org di dunia ini beda. maybe some of them gagg bsa d change karakterny, it's ok. gue ngerti koQ. hhe.
anyway, i still like you. you are still my friend and i'm gonna keep it.

ok.. huff... legaaaaaaa rasaaanyaaaa!!!!hahahahah
gue kngn nntn pensi! kta madun, pensi PL kmaren kerennn beth! aww aww! well, dia c dngr dari pmen. tp anyway gue yakin PL emg keren beth.

next pensi, tarQ! pasti keren! istilahnya mrk itu ratunya pensi! gue pngn beth dtng.. ada the sigit!! aww rekti aww! (rekti is the vocalist of the sigit)

tp gue rasa bkal gue cancel dlu. konsen ama EE gue yg aje gile bkin gue eneg. mngkin pensi haqata gue dtng, scara The Ingredients manggung... hahahah(Check them out, I got their link)

aduuu gue kngn jeje.. we usually goof around at school klo pagi, siang, sore, mlm. hhahaha. dya hari ini mesti ke UPH, katanya mesti rereg skalian ngeliat future tmpt tinggal gue ama dya bwt kul.. hahahah. SEHIDUP SEMATI AMA JEJE MARIDJAN! HHAHAHAHAH. LOP U DAHH LOP U!!

y dah akhh, gue mw blajar dlu *hahahah. jijay bajay bajuri!*

love

azt

"practice makes perfect"

2008-11-06T17:54:00.002+07:00

That is soo true. Quote, i got it from Pratice makes perfect by Cute is what we aim for. I did a lotta practice for math. hahaha. yeah the least subject at school that i hate the most but I need to achieve that subject. Last time I got very bad score in math and yeah, i did cry.

well then, in math class my teacher (Pak Tungka) place each people in student tutor thingy. I got in with margaret. She's smart and believe me she is a scary tutor *peace ret!*
She explained to me some of the question that I didn't understand, she's also very patient in explaining to me.

Today I got an average score for calculus quiz! i got 61. well at least I didn't get those poor scores. hhe

btw, i've been listening to variety of music. mostly the songs that is on my playlist is reflecting in what i am facing now. So here it is!

1. The ingredients - have some fun

2. Cute is what we aim for - Practice makes perfect

3. Rain - Love story

4. Rooney - When did your heart go missing

5. Radiohead - House if cards

6. Beirut - Nantes

7. Metro Station - Kelsey

8. Forever the sickest kid - The party song

9. Danial Powter - next plane home

10. Hot hot heat - Let me in

ps : I am back at Deviant art. nyahahhaa.

love

azt

having fun in business class

2008-11-01T10:19:00.008+07:00

jadi kmaren pas wktu bisnis class, kita tuh bknnya ngerjaiin IA mlah foto" kyk org tolol.

ada gue, nata, anne, so jeong, dea, dan ji su. pke webcamnya ji su.. hahaa. kyk org tolog sumpah. jijay beth lahh.

we try to fit in supaya kliatan. trus sempet berebut untuk kliatan mukanya d web cam. ahhaha. sumpah, it was stupid! tp fun beth. hahahaha.

trus pas qta ud cpk foto" gtu (pastilah ada cpknya,heheheh)... ada ji su ama da bin, 2 koreans who are in a relationship. hahaha. yaa gue, nata, anne isen lahh. ada foto"nya.. ntarr liat d. hahahah. lucu beth mrk!

HAPPY DA BIN & JI SU

STUPID COUPLE!

Love

azt

good news for me! agaiinnn

2008-10-30T07:35:00.003+07:00

wahh kmarenn gue dpt kbr GEMBIRA dari UPh. guys, gue ktrima d UPH!! omg, gue sng beth... gue tkt gue emg bnran gagg ktrima. tp ternyata resultnya gue ktrima. hahaha. my parents were so happy and so proud of me (well they told me that).

klo kyk gini caranya, tendency untuk gue mls skolah tetep aja ada. mlah mungkin lbh mls. hahahaha. ahhh kuliah kuliah... gue pngn kuliah...

btw, gue lg sng lagunay arctic monkeys... yg judulnya "Bakery". lucuu d, it's kind romantic gitu..kyk mereka tuh ketemu d bakery dan the girl supposed to do things that the boy could see.. ini part of the lyrics

I wish you would have smiled in the bakery

or sat on a tatty seateeat

a mutual friends gathering

and the more you keep on looking

the more it's hard to take

love we're in stalemate

to never meet is surely where we're bound

there's one in every townjust there to grind you down

I wish I would have seen you in the post office

well maybe I did and I missed it

too busy with the mind on clever lines

why not the rounders pitch or the canteen

you're slacking love were have you been

just have to go and wait until tonight

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! bagusbagus! dengerin d dengerin and his accent was so british-ish! hahhaa.

love

azt

Dea's bday was a blast

2008-10-27T21:15:00.005+07:00

so last saturday i went to dea's bday. it was quite fun i actually dance with the mc. hahaha. i know right, it was embarassing! but i didn't care.. hahaha i had fun anyway. i took some pictures... so go on browse it.. muach muach

Nata and her hiding face style

kenapa muka kyk gitu Tuhan????

hahahahhaa. retaa lucuu. hahahaa.

cieee dea.. dea is the bday girl....hahahaha

love

azt

astari is mentally ill

2008-10-23T07:35:00.005+07:00

it's not that i'm crazy, but things go out of hand with my mind.
on tuesday night, i wasn't feeling happy. i'm feeling unsecured and lonely. i felt that no body wants me and they doesnt't care about me. gue gagg tw how it starts, tp yg jls it all started with a mother fuckin guy that made me feel like shit.

gue gagg mw kedengaran kyk cry baby or watever, tp yg jls yg gue pngn lakuin adalah nangis sederas derasnya. i hate him so much for being cruel and making me feel awful. bisa juga sih ini bukan salah dia. mungkin dari guenya. tp when he texted me, i felt his emotion of "you are useless, fuck off!"

my god, i felt soooo angry. i did something that releases my anger which maybe some people will do if the got angry and sad.

i have to talk to somebody that night. i need a support and encouragement. so texted je..

"je, lagi ngapain?"

trus dia bls...

"lagi ngerjain bi ast, gue lembur nii"

i realised that she was busy. so i find another people. tara.

she's a sweet heart and her support gave me a little boost.

so here is the message from her...

"If God put u to it He will make u thru it. i always 1 step behind you stef 2 support u in everything you do!!"

then she gave me a quote from Blake Lively, Gossip Girl.

"If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you then its yours forever. If it doesn't then it was never yours to begin with"

after i read that quotes, i believe that God will give me things that are awesome for me. after a few days, i forgot about him, i throw all my troubles away.

TARA, THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT DEAR. YOU REALLY MADE MY DAY. I LOVE YA!

ps: my mock exam suck so bad. my dad and i decide that i just take certificate. i 'm no good in all of the subject.

love,

azt

good news for me!

2008-10-17T09:44:00.002+07:00

something surprise me on wednesday afternoon yg ngebuat gue... really.... HAPPY!
so here it goes........
pas gue plng skolah hari rabu gue ud berencana untuk naik speda itung" biar gue skalian sehat dan ngurusin badan. hehehehe.
nahhh, pas gue slese ganti baju dari seragam jdi tshirt and short pants, gue check hp gue. yaa spa tau ada sms or apa gtuuuu...
pas gue ngeliat hp ada sms... then i looked at it dari siapa smsny.. ternyata dari Mr. Sweet! ooo gosh.. I was jumping like a little girl and kindda triak kecil"an kyk cewek" di chick flick gtu. hahahhahahahahah. soooo stupid.
jdi gini isinya....

"As, this morning I had a dream about you"

hah? wat wat wat? gue baca ulang dahh tuh smsnya. for like 3 times. buseeettt... jarang" dya sms gue. mimpiin gue lagi! kann aneh aja gtu.

trus gue bls lahh

"oo ya? mimpi apa tuh, if I may know.. hhe"

trus gue tinggal donkk hpe gue. lanjut gue naik speda soalny ud sore gtuu dan matahari lagii indah"nya. gue seneng ngeliat ilalang" yg ada d dket" rmh gue. serasa di film laskar pelangi. hee. blh donkk skali" gue ngerasa kyk main pilem. hehe. maksud gue film.

pas gue balik... gue langsung bru" lihat hp gue. hasilnya.............. nihil. dya gagg bls. oo well, maybe later.

ternyata stelah gue tunggu berjam" gagg d bls! gosh... i was kindda upset a little bit. i can't be upset to him, he's mr sweet for godsake!

nah pagi"nya.. gue k skolah. still waiting for his sms. akhirnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

dia bales.

he said he was sorry gag bls kmaren gara" dy ngelamun. buakkakaka. so cuttee.. then he told me his dream and everything. i supposed it's secret i won't exposed it. sorry.

but, gue bnr" seneng... he really made my day. it's amazing that i simple sms for mr sweet could made my day. it's the funniest thing.

"GOSH MR SWEET... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

love

azt

tutututtrutututrurr

2008-10-14T19:21:00.003+07:00

I felt very crappy today

i just want to throw stuff and burn them

i wanna play a hardcore guitar and bang my head like those metal dudes

i wanna scream as oud as i could!

i wanna jump around like in those concert

i wanna

BE FREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

btw..

i'm not a pee wee gaskin fan

but i do like their song

*psssttt... i kindda like one of the guy in pee wee gaskin*

in this is their video that make me wanna jump and sing a long

help me to forget my troubles and everything...

Check them out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R97GDW0aNDU

do i look normal?do i FEEL normal?

2008-10-12T20:19:00.000+07:00

Sometimes i feel very weird and my mood is up and down. I got very mellow sometimes, i got very angry.

is this a normal thing that a girl do? puberty, that's what people call right?

i felt lonely right now.. i felt that i want to do some EXTRAORDINARY things that people will said,"Dude, is she crazy?"

oo yeah..! i do like to do some unusual stuff. sometimes i don't care what people think or said.

i need encouragement too! i need to feel comfortable and welcome.

honestly, i really want to go to college as soon as possible. I can't stand school and my teenager drama in my everyday life. it suck! i wanna go to places where i could i say,"thank GOD! i don't need to live my fuckin life...for awhile".

i got math mock exam tomorrow, i'm not ready. i hate math! it's stupid and unbelievable.

i know, i complain a lot. well, i have a complaining character. it release my thoughts.

i miss mr sweet. i miss talking and hanging out with him.

love

azt

who made my world? protect me

2008-10-10T14:14:00.001+07:00

"So don't let anyone scare you You know that I'll protect you, always Now through the thick and thin"

- Metrostation, Kelsey -

i wish somebody said to me like this....

love

azt

aduuu gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2008-10-08T20:15:00.002+07:00

GUE NGELINDIS KAKI KUCING

omg.. gue gagg tw gue ngelindis. i felt so guilty..

jdi gini, gue lgi drive from dinner sama je, greta, ama tara. trus otw k rmh gue, d jln gue ngerasa ngelindes sesuatu. i thought it was small rocks. ternyataa pas je liat ke blakang..... ADA KUCING LGI GULING - GULING!!

aduu sumpah. it was the guiltiest moment of my life! because i do love animals dan gue gag mw harm them! oo god..

sampe rmh gue blng ama bokap gue soal ngelindes kucing. ini conversationnya :

gue : pa, aku ngelindes kucing...

bokap : ....

gue : pa...

bokap : apa?

gue : AKU NGELINDES KUCING,PA

bokap : hmm.. y da gag papa kok..

ngoookkkkkk! bokap emg gagg ad prasaan.. hahhaha

beda ama nyokap gue

gue : ma, tdi aq ngelindes kucing

nyokap : HAH???? DI MANAA???

gue : ituu.. tdi pas mkn ama je greta.

nyokap : HAHH??? ASTAGAAA... MATI DONKK?

gue : gagg koQ. cmn guling" doank.

nyokap: HAHHHHH???

itu lah bedanya cewek ama cowok.. hahahaha.

btw hpenya greta ilang.. klo ada yg liat ksh tw gue ya! hahaha. *yaa klo lo pda knal c.* hehehee

mw blajar bwt mock.. *hoeeekkkk!* blajar gue serius..

love

azt

after school hang out

2008-10-07T20:19:00.002+07:00

after our so called mock try out exams, me and my friends went out (i dunno wat you call it between lunch and dinner). hehe. we went to pizza hut. my friend, cecep*i know, he have this funny sundanese name. teehee*, he wanna give pay for those meal. yeayy!! so i didn't need to bring money. hehehe. everybody loves free stuff aight?
we were talking about this girl, let's just call her ms X. her friends and her boyfriend (who actually looked like a girl, oouuuchh!). hahahha. it was funny and we kindda laugh out loud! then we talked about that teacher's pet girl. she's like penjilat (i dunno in english but yeah in Indonesia we call it that). she's acting nice in front of teachers. it's kindda bitchy!
oo well, some people are different and they have their own thing goin on in them.
OVER ALL...... i had a fun day with my friends. really, it was a BLAST!
you guys should do that too if you want it. sit down with your friends, talking, enjoying the food. you know really enjoyin life! we are young and we are not supposed to feel old and acting weird. have fun you know! laugh, smile, tell a joke, make fun of something, or watever you guys love to do.

tomorrow i'll be having my business exams. cross my fingers, pray to God, study.

I NEED MIRACLE

love

azt

save it.

2008-09-29T18:14:00.003+07:00

i don't hate my hair. i just love it. i play around with my hair. acting all quirky and stuff. i don't give a damn about it!

Love

azt

i want this that... gimme gimme

2008-09-26T10:17:00.003+07:00

a lot of things in my mind know. i want a lot of things! hha.. so i made a list.. nyheheheh

1. i want a new laptop (Checked!)

2. i want this style (especially the shoes)

3.i want holiday!i demand a REAL holiday!

4. i want lascar pelangi soundtrack

5. i want big glasses. hee =D

now, the playlist for this month

1.baby i'm back - akon

2. tatiana - pee wee gaskin

3.come on guys - back to yohanna

4. from the inside out - hillsong *hhe. religious.

5.menu - zeke and the popo

6. northern downpour - panic at the disco!

7. kiss the pain away - hollywood nobody

love

azt

o m f g

2008-09-25T17:40:00.002+07:00

wow.. today was really a rough day for me and maybe some of my friends. we kindda faced a lot of assignment and a lot of problems going on. i don't know what should i do with my homework. unorganize is the right word. i can't figure it out what homework should i do first. i am so fucked up on everything..
next week i'll be having my holiday. hahahaha... NOT!!
i'll be studying for my try out test for IB. no holiday definitely. but in other condition, i'll be goin to bali! horeeeee....

i'm counting the days till my graduation day. can't wait for graduate, but i don't wanna leave my friends..

love

azt

a very bad day

2008-09-23T18:13:00.006+07:00

yeah.. like the title above. i wasn't very happy today. it was my math score made my mood dropped into pieces. i was surprise in a bad way. i didn't realize that i got a worse score. fuck.

then i start thinking really bad : "i'm not good in what i'm doing". gosh, i started to cry. nata and anne saw me. i know, i am a very cengeng. gue gagg pernah ngerasa segini sedihnya when it comes to math. i never good at it. sigh.... i don't like this kind of situation.

gue pngn lbh giat blajar. i promise myself to improve..

btw, i cut my hair.. hhe

Title : pamer ketek. peace out motha fucka.. hahha

weird huh? let's see another one :

title : my hair is too short. maluuu

hahahha. what do you think people?

btw, i've been taking web cam photos with my friends. banyaakkk beth! hahaha. dan smuanya kocak gilak! haha. this is my fave one :

i loveee this one! everyone look so goovy! especially greta. cewek yang triak "raaawwwwwrrr!!!"

hahahhaa.

my friends made my day.

i miss hugging someone...

love

azt

university.... dillema?

2008-09-15T07:47:00.002+07:00

my dad told me not to go to San Fransisco. Left 3 university....

i gotta apply the form and everything. i creeps me out.. i hope i got into one of the univ i chose.

it's almost 7.. school is goin to be started in 5 minutes. i'll write to guys later...

love

azt

University Dillema

2008-09-11T17:57:00.002+07:00

i've been thinking about my university for these few days. a lot of unverisity names is in my head now... i kept on asking my friends bout what do you think of this university, what are the qualities, bla bla bla. i got some list of unversity that are stuck in my head :

1. UPH (i'm planning to take broadcasting)
2. Trisakti ( Fine arts or in Indonesia we call it Seni Rupa)
3. Lasalle college ( Fashion business. yipee!)

lastly.. this is what made me change my mind about entering univ in jakarta..

4. An art school in San Fransisco....(Advertising or photography)

i don't know which one that i'll take. if i decide to go to San Fransisco then i have to take TOEFL test which i really afraid of.
eventhough it is a hard decision to make, i kept praying to God. i know it sound religious and all that, but you know what i give it all to the Him. i trust Him and know that He will help in choosing the right univ for me...

ok then.. well i've been doing goofy stuff too with my friends. hahaha.

Anne and nataa... we're making a weird boat. hahahaha

weird boat made be quirky people. hahaha

i want a holiday.

Love

azt

i think sooo

2008-09-09T20:41:00.001+07:00

friends

i think i'm in love again. with the same guy.

i kept thinking of him..

love

azt

farewell bertz!

2008-09-07T15:53:00.002+07:00

gosh.. i just went back from airport. Last time i told you about my friend albertz that goin to move to seattle for his study. yeah, i went to the airport to say goodbye to him. It was really a sad moment for me and my friends. I wanna cry but i hold those tears and trying to be strong for him. Albertz did cry too.. i never saw him cry that bad. those tears are just running thru his eyes. my friend jessica cried too.. she cried harder than i thought. cause she and albertz were friends since they were in kindergarten. i took some pictures ofcourse. here are some of the pictures :

Albertz was talking on the phone while we are taking picture.

in this picture : dea, me, and nata. hungry hungry hungry!

me and albertz. i'm gonna miss this guy!

yeah, everything changing. life gotta move on. each one of us got different plans for our lifes. so albertz, if you are reading this, pay attention. bertz, be careful and study hard. we are goin to miss you a lot. be a good boy, klo ud balik k jkt jgn lupa kontek" kita yaa.. love ya men!

love

azt

post again!

2008-09-05T20:15:00.003+07:00

i'm so bored right now..i really wanna do my homework but i got this procrastinate feelings inside of me! so then i go online. listen to some indie music, chilling, smoking some ciggs, and enjoying being alone *my mom and dad are both in Bali*

i'm listening to this band call Backalley. and you know what?!i'm in love with their songs!!!! goshh.. it's like pop and 80'S sound... really, seriously, extremely awsome you guys should check them out!

http://www.myspace.com/backalleyrock

weekend.. weekend... yeahyeah!

love

azt

say yes to weekend!

2008-09-05T17:55:00.004+07:00

yeayy!! tomorrow is weekend. got some time to rest and enjoying being young*hahaha*
but other than that i still gotta homework to do, suck isn't it? i need sometime to refresh my mind. gotta have a greak somehow. my parents are really dissapointed with my school. when i got in to that school(let's just call it the "weird" school) i never had a lot of homework like now... but maybe things go by and things change. ohh well..!

on sunday my friend albertz will go to seattle to live there. me and my friends will go there and meet him to wave a good bye to him. i know right! it will be a sad moment. we were quite close back then. i'll post some photo in the "bandara" with him.

anyway,........ i got a aphoto of the week.. hehehehe...

this is a picture that my math teacher took while we were in pulau pari.

title for the photo : picking up shits!
hahaha

love

azt

high school almost over!

2008-09-04T19:42:00.002+07:00

yeap! high school it's almost over. but school works completely full of crap!
Teachers gave a TONS of homeworks to do. Now everything goes hectic. I got no time for socializing. no time for dates. no time for going out with friends and family. Holiday is like a work day for me. After this idul fitri holiday i'll have my mock exams, so i gonna have to study hard during my one week holiday. it's just so crappy.

I haven't finish reading scarlet letter. Gotta go back to studying. c u

love

azt