persona of feelings #2

lately been posting about feelings.

can't get enough of it. can't let it out.

that's why I chose blog to express the emotion.

I am really piss right now.

I want to cry.

I want to swear.

I want to just punch him... or her.

All of my expression kept rafting in my body. It gave me chills.

I've been so fuckin emo. Don't really like it.

I just need to express this through somethings.

I don't get it, don't get the situation.

I'm angry

but yet

I couldn't do anything.

Is it normal?

Is it normal, when you are stuck in a position like me?

Can't understand every bit of my emotion.

it's a bit confusing to me. or maybe for you too.

I'm angry, I guess. 

but it seems....

nah... I know I'll be better. I know I'll be okey. :)

persona of feelings

I hate being tough

too tough that is

Sometimes I couldn't bare to here it

Sometimes it just came a glimpse in my mind

then it's fading

I'm a human

should be strong?

should let my self into the situation?

or should I just "let it be"?

please tell me.

ps : I don't know who is my real friend is. I don't know that.. friendship is like a cold fuckin war.

it's refreshing!

hello. i miss updating blog and sharing with you my thoughts of todays world. What's happenin? i've been so busy with the tests and works. Design is not easy as it looks. I've been struggling with it for months. Hope I'll pass the exams, can't wait for the tests result.

one of the design that I've made

Hey you know what? I reduce my stress by having a hair cut!

Before

after

What do you think? For me personally, I love this new look, better than the long hair. Been feeling so light and free.... NEW LOOK IS ALWAYS THE KEY, MY FRIEND!

I've been missing someone lately. I've been questioning my love to him. I wish I know how am I going to do to unlock this relationship mystery. 

merry christmas & happy new year peeps!

ps: hope you guys gotta best, the dopest, holiday ever :)

a long way.

It has been a long time since i wrote anything, been very busy with university and stuff. My life been very different since I entered university. Loads of things needs to be think of. I kept reminding myself that I'm not a high school student anymore. Need to face everything now by my own. 

Delete some of my friends in facebook cause some them are so annoooyyinngg and my friend dared me to delete 90% percent of my facebook friends! which i didn't do it :)

Being an art student is quite exhausting. The lecturer sometimes made us re-do our work. I hate it, especially when it comes to painting it all over again. uggghh! the hell with it, i s

till love what i'm doing now.

Description pictures :

1. Ykha C.U.T.S

2. Itta C.U.T.S

3. The guitarist from united by haircuts

4. Beach in Phuket

ps: i'm not feeling very well today. actually since yesterday. fuck

high school? yes so much better than this

i miss high school and i miss my old friends..

i miss vacation too. i really do. 

it just only a day of college orientation and i felt completely clueless and hopeless.

not feeling very well right now.

I want Bali. I want vacation. I want sometime alone

college equals to new live.

yes, I'm back in Jakarta for good. I've been preparing for college and the new house that I'm going to stay in. 

My roommate, Jessica, and I been around the campus and around the area. It was great and we took the shuttle bus so it'll be much easier to go everywhere. 

College, in a few days I'll be a college student. Surprisingly, it's so darn fast. I felt that it was yesterday that I graduated from high school. Now, it's totally different. New things will come up such as friends, a new place to live in, a new campus, a new teacher, and so on. I couldn't be more happier and at the same time i felt terrified with this whole new things. I kept praying to God that I'll have a good and better new live.

The house I live in is actually belongs to an old lady. She's great and really kind. Though maybe a little fanatic about religion. I don't mind though. hehe. No pictures yet, but I will definitely post pictures. 

This a stupid picture that me and my housemate took. 

Stupid it is.

Have a great week peeps!

azt

gotta pet? don't have one?then, BE YOUR OWN PET!

i'm enjoy listening to be your own pet. the lead singer, attract my attention. introducing....

JEMINA PEARL

yeah, she's a cool girl and i found her video in youtube. She's a lil' freaky though, still she rocks.

If only what you wrote in my yearbook was true--
Then I wouldn't be stuck in fucking cell block 2
But I don't regret what I've done,
Cuz in the end, it was fun!

-Becky, Be Your Own Pet-

my home country.

... and so, still 6 more days left to go home. Heard about the bombing news in Jakarta. My family (who lives here) and I was shocked when we saw some disturbing images in some blogs and online post. I was, clearly, surprised and a little bit scared to go home.
Some of my friends said, "don't worry azt. it's safe to go home"
One of my friend, got a big point of view about politics and told me some of his hypothesis about what may caused the bombing. politics? yeah, it's very difficult to understand 'em.



I took it from youtube. Sorry, it's in Indonesian.


love,



azt

mods and rockers?

Found a little piece of documentary from Nylon through youtube. I think this is great. and I'm falling in love with this dress from One and a Half

sorry but...

berak lo. you lied to me.

really sorry for the post. I am really pissed and need to reveal it through my blog.

hello from Canada

taken from here

Hello everybody! I'm in Canada now and it's summer. You may wonder what summer like in Vancouver, Canada. Well it's quite hot but it's still breezy, really nice. The weather is not like Jakarta, where is hot and.. just hot.
I miss Jakarta though, the food and everything. In here, they do have a mall but not as a big as Jakarta. Though the scenery is fantastic.

I'm here all alone without my parents. Live with my aunt,grandma, and my little cousin. 1 month in Vancouver, I felt like I already live here. Yesterday went to church with them and people in the church kept asking me this question, "Hi, you're from Indonesia?" "How's Indonesia?" "Are there any new places in Indonesia?" "Why don't you study here?"
Repeat the same answer over and over again, little bit irritated by it.

So now is 4:02 pm.owh how i miss Indonesia already. I miss nasi padang...


really hungry.



ps: tell me, how's Indonesia by the way?





astari

lost in translation.

sorry for the very late updates. there are 2 reasons why I didn't post anything for the last several months :

1. because my laptop is so "lemot" (slow)
2. because my internet is sooooo darn lame.

hahaha, there... those are the reasons.
I'm going to post some of updates about myself and what i'm feeling in bullets, kindda lazy to make into a paragraph. Here it is :

• I graduated from High School and having the last day of school full of tears cause I'll be missing my friends and...surprisingly, school.
• I passed UAN. HELL YEAH!
• I'm on my way to Canada now but transitting in Taipei. Going with my BF Jessica
• Gotta go. Going to Canada.

Sorry guys no photo. Really, needs to go. bye. I'll be updating soon =)

love,

azt

no pressure but yet I got something going on

Hello fellow readers! sorry for the late update and everything. I just finished the national exams that I need to follow last friday. It was quite difficult especially the math problem, i'm no good at it. Thank God I managed quite well on the test.

Moving on. Hmm if you noticed, I changed the layout of my blog. The big headers is actually my bathroom. Why do I choose this picture? cause mostly I spend my time in the bathroom. Listening to my Ipod,texting my friends, writting songs or poems, and even crying. so it is actually my santuary where I kept most of my private time there.

Another thing is the next two weeks I'm going to have my IB exams. I don't put too much pressure on it cause I don't realy need the Diploma from IB. Wasting my time I suppose.

In this past few months I noticed that I browsed some of the fashion blog, I think I there were quite a lot of this kind of blogs nowadays. Kindda gave me an inspiration.

Do you think I need to look more lady like and girly?

Imagine this girl....

Wearing something like this....

Please do comment on this. Thank you :)

Have a great day people!

love,

azt

Blessed the tainted heart

I wish my Holga results pictures would turn out to be like this.

lately i've been really busy with school stuff, especially this week I got a lot stuff and projects deadline.
I am really looking forward for this four days of holidays which turn out i need to finish my IT project as well. (sigh)
hmm what else can I say? I've been listening to Pintu Terlarang Soundtrack and I think the music was really good. The artist and the bands who contributed in this sountrack are Tika, Sore, and Mantra.
I really like Tika's voice, as always men. She sounds like an oldies singer with an attitude.
Sore, it's my first time to hear this band. an... I LOVE IT!the title is Nancy Bird. very pretty song.
Matra is the new band that was made by Zeke from Zeke and The popo.
all of them, I mean all of them sounded very extraordinary! but I don't like score from the movie. it really sounded creepy. I was listening it in the middle of the night or mprning? cause it was in 2 o'clock in the morning while I was doing my homework. when the first track of the score came up, i got a little goose bumps. creepy..

Ps : something about Fachri Albar taht made me go.. gaga.







love
azt

Clocks

This picture was taken during the Java Jazz Festival and I'm so in love with Mr Jason Mraz. gosh, he look so cool. I kept dancing and screaming his name. haha. I don't really care what people think about me screaming and dancing like a drunk person, yeah whatever!

It has been day 'till something happend to me. It was a horrible feelings and yeah regret came after that. I'm stil trying to cope it all and try to forget about the things, what that person said to me, what that person did to me, and so on. It's like time flies so fast and I have to move on. I can't be in a position that always depends on somebody. No ofcourse not! yet I try to make a change in myself. i haven't decide it yet, maybe physically or my character.

Maybe i'm not the prettiest girl or the smartest or the up-to-date kindda girl or maybe I'm not those girls who goes to the beauty saloon every week to get their hair fix. I'm not ok! I'm not the person who likes jazz music, I don't like clubbing. I like indie music i love going to art exibition and dancing to some weird music. fuck, i hate when somebody make a difference with other girls. I hate it, I repeat. I HATE IT!

So whatever. I'll go find somebody new and I won't try to be pretty. especially for you! yeah not for you! I hate you and your fuckin comments about me.

I'm sorry for you guys who is stil reading this part of my blog. I'm trying to give out what I feel during this past few day. It has been so shitty and I felt ashame of myself.

PS : To all girls who are reading this and have the same situation as mine, please do remember. You are what you are! You are pretty in your own way! Don't give a damn about what people or what you boyfriens said about other girls.

And to a him, whom made me feel this way and wrote this silly nonsense feelings, please...NGACA LO!(English : Look in the mirror!)

Love

azt

I smoke fags

listen up. I'm a mess and unpredictable.

I don't feel like taking a bath.

I don't feel like doing exercies.

I don't feel like doing my homework.

I just want to make love with my camera.

I just wanna run away with my Ipod.

I just wanna drink weird juice.

please, i'm just a human being. stop this nonsense.

ps : I miss one of my best friend. I don't hate you, I don't wanna hurt you. please, where are you?

love,

azt

Dying of Frustration

It has been a very exhausting month, cause deadlines of my works are all pile up. During this friggin frustration, I made a certain "scheadule"(sort of). So I will sleep around 8 pm or 9, then I will set my alarm at 12:30 midnight. Why 12 :30? because at these time I will do my projects and works until around 2 am. hahaha! I haven't got enough good sleep and I really, really, need to get some sleep. Even during the weekend, I woke up early. Around........7 am.



I want all this to get over soon. when???when???



Now I took some math lesson to improve my math for the final exam (red-UAN). Cause the way the IB taught me about math it's different with the UAN. Also I took Economics lessons. I don't even understand about economy. (sigh)

Also today my bhs Indonesia teacher, mad at me. She said there are a lot of wrong things in the essay. She was also made a sarcastic comments about me. Whatever.. I tried to hold my tears. It's just friigin frustrating and all the comments that she made? it just made me wanna smack her with the paper that I did. I was too tired, too stressed, to frustrated. But finally, i finished it.

It's not a perfect day.

It has been a rough month. This saturday I'm going to go to UPH to take the EPT test (it's like TOEFL).
Wish me luck!!!!!

Ps : find me a good friend will ya?Define friendship and best friend for me.. please, somebody.

love,

azt

hey jude, let's take a walk.

recently i've been listening to the soundtrack of across the universe. The song that I really love is call hey jude, which actually the beatles's. But, the way the movie made it, it's just so different and i have fallen in love to it..

During the holiday, I went with one of my friend. Her name is Greta. We went for a photo hunting around jakarta. Firstly, we went to taman menteng and.. ohh btw, we went there around 7 in the morning and arrived there around 8:30. It didn't have a lot of people when we got there. We found out that high school students in Jakarta skipped school to taman menteng. ahahahah. we were making jokes about them for not being at school.

Then we move to fatahilah museum. Seriously guys, it was really creppy there. I got goose bumps especially the underground prison. it's really....dark.scarry i might say.

Well i got some pictures to show you guys.

I hope you enjoys it.

I didn't go to school today cause i need to extend my passport. It was actually expired. I'm planning to go to US this june.

Did i mentioned that i wanna run far far far away and turn off my handphone. Sleep in little motels, eatting "warung's" food, playing at the park, taking pictures and just laying on the grass until I fall asleep?Part of my dream. I hope i could do it.

Love

azt

one lazy afternoon

it was so hot this afternoon. i was too lazy to got off from my bed and my bedroom, i kindda chillin at my room without bturning my ac on. besides it was so windy breezy outside. I opened the door to my the balcony then i saw this beautiful sky. I was so amazed that Bali is so friggin weird, i mean the weather. sometimes it rain so hard then the next day it's so hot. maybe it's because rainy seasons. my friends in jkt told me that the weather is also weird and everything. I took a lot of pictures from inside of my bedroom to the out door. it turns out quite astoinished. except my picture ofcourse

so sorry that i put this picture of mine. haha.

i've been craving through other people's blog and their blog is just awesomeness. they have wonderful stories and photos they put.

today is my last day in bali, tomorrow i'll be heading back to jakarta. my mom did yelled from downstairs. she asked me to pack up my things so nothing left. hmm... though i felt so friggin bored in bali, i'm kindda sad leaving bali.

ps : i realize that falling in love is really hard and hurtful. it's going to take awhile to recover form this "disease".

love

azt